How I stopped worrying and learned to be tha bomb.

In which Keoma laments aging

steelgrrrlmai — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 04:37:07 +0000

It’s 4:20am, I’ve been up since About 3:15, and I went to bed around 9ish last night. Yep, I’m now on an old people sleep schedule and I don’t like it one bit. I’m not exactly keen on the fact that I’m turning 30 this year, so I might be a little sensitive about doing things usually associated with “old people”, like going to bed before most of the good parties are even getting started. On the plus side, I have an adorable little Burmese kitty to snuggle with while I’m missing all the fun of a night out with the 20-ish crowd.

I’m still dealing with questions of identity and appropriation re: my practicing of Eastern martial arts and philosophy (namely Zen Buddhism). It feels like I’m being a hypocrite when I do these things, but then turn around and tell outsiders they shouldn’t be using native culture and spirituality. I wish I could just sit down and have a conversation with somebody over this, because I just keep going around in circles.

<~ A Grouch

Finally some time to post something

steelgrrrlmai — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 06:50:21 +0000

Well, it’s been a very eventful week here in Grenada. We are still not entirely unpacked, but most of it is the cables and external drives for the computers, so I can’t unpack all of that until I go to the hardware store and get some more shelves. I managed to catch a lovely bug on Tuesday; vomiting, aches, chills, the whole bit. Still not feeling 100% better, but I’ll live. It’s too beautiful outside to stay sick.
our house is in L’anse Aux Epines, on the Atlantic side of the island, and there is always a cool breeze coming off the ocean. We have a swimming pool that is surrounded by this beautiful yard. There are hibiscus plants that add a wonderful sweetness to the breeze, and palmtrees that provide shade. It’s almost paradise.

<– A Grouch

Sitting in MIA

steelgrrrlmai — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 16:05:12 +0000

Sitting in the Admiral’s Club in MIA, getting thoroughly pissed off at these fucktards who decide that the designated quiet areas are the best place to come with their ill behaved spawn and have their loud conversations. And what does the staff do? Do they enforce the quiet policy and ask these assholes to shut up or move to the much larger lounge area where noise is ok? No, they ignore them, and when somebody does complain, they apparently get ignored too.
I am in a foul mood already, as the packing for this trip took weeks to organize, and everybody seemed to be on a mission to thwart me at every turn. Next time I move, I am selling everything and buying new shit when I get there, as long as wherever “there” is isn’t a goddamned third world country.

<– A Grouch

Untitled

steelgrrrlmai — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 22:21:33 +0000

Blegh. Sinuses are full of gross stuff and my head feels like it’s encased in concrete.
Family reunion was ok, but awkward. I forget what an incredibly weird collection of people make up my family. The memorial for Aunt Ruth was good. We are all missing her terribly.
Getting my room all packed up and getting things ready to go to Grenada is a ridiculous chore. I still don’t have everything boxed, and we leave on the 14th. I feel like tearing my hair out. I need at least five more of me to get all of this done.

<– A Grouch

I am now deaf

steelgrrrlmai — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 00:10:15 +0000

Just got out of the Judas Priest show. Fuckin’ awesome! They played all of British Steel, and a few other favorites. I finally got to see them live. I have one life long goal completed. Couldn’t be happier.
<– A Grouch

I am surrounded by pervasive weirdness

steelgrrrlmai — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 17:08:44 +0000

Let me start by saying that I hate this iPhone. I really do, but my beloved treo has gone to PDA heaven, and AT&T no longer sells treos.

Now, why is my life weird? Well… I’m trying to work on the relationship with my s.o., but it seems like everyone around us is determined to disrupt our process, especially my s.o’s mom. She is not doing anything directly hostile, but it seems like she is having one emotional trainwreck after another. She is also more clingy than a squid, neurotic and as mature as a five-year old spoiled brat. Not to mention the drinking, which she does every night, then tries to insist on hanging out with us. My s.o. and I are in our late 20′s, the mom is in her late fifties. Her inebriated insistence on forcing her way into our plans is very awkward, which is why we are staying at my place for the week.
I’ll write more later. Hungry now.
<– A Grouch

What next?!

steelgrrrlmai — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 00:16:58 +0000

know, I know, I keep saying I’ll get on here and update more, but there’s just too much shit going on in my world right now.

I found out, by e-mail that my Granddad’s sister, My Great aunt, passed away on the first. I won’t be able to go to her graveside service because it’s on the 7th, and there is no way I can get down there this week. I want to cry and cry, but I’m all cried out, I think. She was an amazing person. In her whole life, she did what she wanted, said exactly what she thought, went wheverver she felt like going, and didn’t take crap from or bow and scrape to anybody, and she was easily the kindest and most mindful of all of us. I don’t think I’ll ever meet a tougher, funnier, nicer lady, even if I live as long as she did.

My S.O. is back in town, and i was hoping things would go back to their old comfortable ways, but somehow everything feels awkward and different. I can’t explain it, but it feels like even though we can sit together on the same couch, the distance is stll there. This worries me immensely, as I have no Idea what in the hell is going on. Is it my S.O.? Is it me? Is it us? Has the chemistry fizzled, or is there some kind of emotional blockage that can be worked through? I keep on pondering this stuff as I stare up at the ceiling from my edge of the king-sized bed, while my S.O. snores away from their edge of the bed. There is 4ft of space between us during the night, but good grief, it really feels like a lot more than that. I love this person, and i hurts me to have this space, but I’m afraid of saying anything to them, because I am worried that the space is percieved only by me. If I’m the only one seeing it, does that mean I’m the one creating it?

My Grandmother’s behaviors have become more and more irrationl and erratic. She makes up these new, ridiculous rules for everything, and when they contradict her old rules for things, and you unwittingly cross the old rules by adhering to the new, or vice-versa, she goes ballistic. Her house is so messy now that I’m worried that codes will be called on her and she’ll get evicted. I keep trying to encourage her to clean up, and get rid of these piles of junk, but even a gentle “hey, can I help you clean up this kitchen today?” is met with shrieking irrationality. And yet, she pulls these pity-party tricks, saying to others, “I wish I could get somebody to help me clean this house up….” all the while knowing that I’ve offered over and over again to do just that. I don’t know what more I can do. I have to move on with my life, I’m gonna be leaving town to go to another college, and before then, I’m going to the carribean for a semester. I don’t want to be worrying if she’s set the house on fire by leaving shit in the oven (she stores things in the fucking oven, because everywhere else is piled high with junk) or maybe one of the big piles of junk has collapsed and landed on her, or some other crazy thing has happened because she can’t see how unhealthy and unsafe that place is right now.

Those are just the major goings on right now, I’ll spare you the small crap.

Lazy Humanbeing takes days to xpost a blog. Story at 10.

steelgrrrlmai — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 16:50:21 +0000

Is human being even spelled correctly in my title? Ah, who really cares! Since all of my recent updates have just been from twitter (on my other blog, of course), I figured I might as well post a real, honest-to-god post… That I will then turn around and cross post to Myspace and WordPress. Just watch. See if I don’t. (I’m doing it right now.)

Anyhoo. Not much going on. Been exercising like mad since I got a good look at myself in the mirror and decided that all I need to complete the blimp image is the word “goodyear” pasted on my side.
I am also doing quite a bit of beading, trying to get these moccasins done in two weeks. It would go faster if I didn’t keep stabbing the fricking bejeezus out of my fingers.
I also managed to cross another five books off my reading list. I really need to post that monstrous thing (the reading lst, get your mind out of the gutter!) up here for you all to ooh and ahh at, but I am VERY lazy. Let’s just say that there was a mingling of Hobbes, Pratchett, and lesbian erotica in my literary intake this past week.
The book I am reading right now is The Wasteland by Stephen King. It’s part of the Dark Tower series. I started it this morning, and I have about 30 pages left, so I should have it finished by bedtime.

Oh, and the Penguins won the Stanley Cup, so SUCK IT, Red Horde!

What else… Oh yeah. Last saturday, I went to my first Karate tournament. It was an interesting experience. Which is a less sissy way to say that I was so terrified, that I thought I might barf. I got through it ok, only a few mistakes in my posture, breathing, etc., and I won first in my division in Kata and second in Sparring. I expected it to be the other way around, but there you go.
Well, I’m getting tired, so I need to finish this book and get a shower before I hit the sack.
Hope you enjoyed this update.

(edit: I did finish the book, and then polished off two more. Now I am reading a few books on Aikido, including a re-read of The Art of Peace by Morihei Ueshiba (O Sensei), and the books by Gozo Shioda Sensei.)

Oww, dammit!

steelgrrrlmai — Mon, 18 May 2009 21:32:25 +0000

Well, it finally happened, one of these towers of books fell on me. Not a stack of paperbacks or magazines, either. No, not with my awesome luck. No, it was a pile of text books that came crashing down.
For those of you who don’t remember how heavy a text book is, let me refresh your memory. You can bludgeon somebody with one of them. Five of them will actually cause the shelf of a book case to flex by almost an inch. I had 10 of them land on my foot and shin, because I wasn’t fast enough to get all of me out of the way.
To be fair, it was my fault, and I deserved to have them fall on me because I was stupid enough to add them to the top of a stack that was already at chest height. Shameful to have that many books piled up on my floor, but I have nowhere else for them to go. I have no more wall space, and I am not going to cover my entire floor with little piles of books.
Back to the story: So, these textbooks land on my left foot and what do I do? Do I immediately sit down and check for fractures? NO. I proceed to add another layer of stupidity to this farce by cursing wildly and kicking the offending books, with the foot that just got squashed. See how brilliant I am?
The top of my foot is now turning stunning shades of purple, and my big toe is swelling like a party balloon. I am Icing it and praying that nothing is broken. I have a busy summer of goofing off planned, and being sidelined with a busted foot would drive me insane.

It’s hot and miserable

steelgrrrlmai — Mon, 18 May 2009 21:32:21 +0000

I fucking hate humidity. I really, truly hate it. I want to go back to the desert where things are not all gross and sticky and mildewed. I don’t know why people choose to live in humid places, but to hell with them, they must be retarded.